I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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