I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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