I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
