i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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