How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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