Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
