That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
