dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
