so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
