I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
