Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
