do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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