You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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