Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
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