It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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