I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
