I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
