New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
