It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
don't judge my taste in strippers
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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