first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
