I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
