i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
