It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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