Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
