just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
