I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
we're so committed to being not committed
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
