i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
