so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
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