paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
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