I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
