He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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