i think my mom watched the whole time
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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