she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
