I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
