the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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