Sacagawea was the original milf.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
