i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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