Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
