The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
