It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
