i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
