nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
