So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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