Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
