you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
