im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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