meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
