Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
