How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
