he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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