I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
