I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
