I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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