so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
